I Was High When He First Told Me He Loved Me

I get more rain checks than made plans with him and have found myself comfortably numb to the disappointment that comes along with it.

I didn’t know if he was actually coming over and assumed that he wasn’t, I figured that night was going to be a night like all the others. I would never know for sure until a text from him came through, either confirming plans or apologizing for breaking them.

That night, I made plans with myself, a familiar sitcom that I had seen a few dozen times, and a single gummy bear with special properties.

“Here.”

The ding from my phone rang out, muffled by the gummy bear working its way through my senses.

I trudged up the seemingly shifting steps with him behind me, trying to compose myself. I missed the top step, light pouring from the wall niche above, and clasped my hand over my mouth with a giggle. “I’m high,” I stated in a tone that I thought was a whisper.

“Oh God,” he laughed, helping me get up off the carpet. “Let’s get you to bed, Stoney.”

I must have misjudged the dosage of the gummy bear because I. Was. High.

Unbelievably high.

Ridiculously high.

So high, in fact, that when he said, “I love you,” for the first time that very night in my bed with me in his arms, it took a few moments too long for it to fully register in my brain.

“I love you.”

“I’m high.”

I shook my head in disbelief and confusion, looked up at him from my place on his chest, and spat out the only words that my inebriated brain and dry mouth could think of or even pronounce correctly, “What?”

He laughed his overly excited laugh, the one he gets when I’m in his arms, and his goofy grin, the one that I love so much, painted his face in colors of contentment. Kissing my forehead, he squeezed me as I continued to process, albeit very slowly, what he just said. The words moved across my brain at snail speed and the harder I tried to concentrate on it, the harder it became to snap back into reality. That night. That bed. That declaration of emotions coming from a man who very rarely declares his feelings in such a way that leaves no room for wondering or what ifs.

“I love you.” he said to me.

I couldn't say it back but now I tell him every chance I get.

I Was High When He First Told Me He Loved Me