ABOUT ME | EJ Hess

"I’m 27 years old. I’ve no money and no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents. And I’m frightened. So don’t judge me, Lizzie. Don’t you dare judge me." -Pride and Prejudice (2005)

This section used to be serious and me trying to sound profound and deep, but I'm just a silly goose. This website definitely doesn't pass the Bechdel test, but after my turbulent dating history, why would it?

I’m a single mother living in Central Illinois.

I sold my soul to the U.S. Air Force.

I like F1, the color yellow, and Anthony Bourdain.

Instagram: @EJHess21

My work is primarily fictional, though all names in my non-fiction or real-life inspired work have been changed to protect the identities of those involved... or simply because I want those assholes who screwed me over to wonder if I wrote about them. (I did. If you have to question it, it’s about you.)